EMOTIONAL FLUENCY - WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where something felt wrong, but didn’t quite have the words to describe exactly how? It can be a frustrating thing, not having the means to explain yourself even to your closest friends. No matter how much you want to, or how hard you try to -- the way in which to best express yourself feels foreign to you.
It’s a slippery slope -- because not having the vocabulary to express yourself can often fool you into thinking that people fundamentally don’t understand you. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a whole wide world of people who have felt the same way as you, and by giving you the tools to succeed in explaining the intricacies of your feelings, they might be able to offer you a great deal of help.
The ultimate goal of emotional fluency is to help you solve this problem. Fluency in a language starts with the building blocks. We move from alphabet, to words, to sentences – each step gaining deeper intricacy, until you are able to carry on a complete conversation with someone. It takes effort and practice, but the eventual goal is to have the words flow through you easily.
Like any language, the road to emotional fluency starts with the basics. You wake up one day and you feel... “bad”. Now, expressing that feeling to a loved one is already a huge step in the right direction. But if we delve a little deeper into that “bad” feeling, we’re going to unlock a wide array of ways to cope with and understand that feeling a little better.
So let’s take it a step further. Our goal here is to move from vagueness to specificity.
Our workbook uses the Susan David “Emotional Agility Umbrellas” methodology. This breaks emotions down into primary and secondary categories, primary being the umbrella term and secondary being everything underneath the umbrella.
We’ve started with one rudimentary word: “bad.” Alright, so we’re working with a challenging emotion, one that upsets our equilibrium in a negative way. Is this challenging feeling...
Mad? Anxious? Sad?
Let’s say it’s “sad.” That’s a primary emotion -- and essentially, it’s a reaction to stimuli.
Alright, let’s refine further. The more complex descriptive words, the secondary emotions, will help the participant get to the root cause of this challenging feeling. According to David, when you go beyond the obvious umbrella term to identify exactly what you’re feeling, you’re more able to discern the precise cause of your emotions. Some secondary emotions might be...
Disappointed? Regretful? Pessimistic?
These sound similar, and may cause similar physical reactions in the body, but zeroing in on the most precise word lets an individual both understand their discomfort *and* ask for help from loved ones.
LISA FELDMAN BARRETT
“The more precisely you can identify your emotions, the more flexibly you can respond to life’s challenges.”
— Lisa Feldman Barrett, “How Emotions Are Made” (2017)
“Emotional Granularity”, a term coined by psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett, is the basis of our fluency program. Essentially what it describes is the ability to differentiate between emotions. Barrett’s research has shown that having a more expansive vocabulary for describing one’s emotions has a variety of positive effects. According to one study published in the Journal of Personality, emotional granularity aids not only in psychological, but physical health as well. What has been shown is that the ability to articulate the nuances of one’s experiences allows for a more complete diagnosis and subsequent treatment.
ANOTHER ANALOGY
One of the major reasons stigma exists around mental health is due to a perceived inequality of importance between physical and mental health. Historically, our society has not placed emphasis on psychological well-being. Our mission through The Charlie Fund is to help you unlearn this behavior.
So let’s think of this in medical terms. You have a headache. Your head hurts, it feels *bad*. This problem persists, so you go to the doctor. Any medical professional will do the same thing: get more context. Have you been drinking enough water? Has your vision been blurry? Do the headaches occur at a certain time of day, or in a certain environment?
By nailing down the specifics, the root problem that is causing the issue can be identified and better treated. You can take as many ibuprofen as you want, but your headache won’t go away if you have undiagnosed myopia. You need glasses for that. Emotional fluency allows us to make a better differential diagnosis for ourselves.
Try to think of your mental health as exactly the same. Understanding feelings of displeasure is a great start, but ultimately we require context to help treat the root of what is causing suffering. Or conversely, if the feelings are positive, how can we as individuals harness those things that make us content in future times of stress?
EMPATHY
A lot of what we’ve been talking about is from the perspective of the individual -- how can emotional fluency help you in times of stress? But here’s the thing. Teaching emotional fluency has a cascading effect. By teaching people to better understand their own emotions, they will have an easier time understanding the emotions of others. Diversifying our comprehension of emotions can only lead to a more significant mastery of our own empathy. Our ultimate goal is to share a legacy of kindness, love, and openness -- and the first step in that direction is fostering the building blocks of emotionally fluent communication.